I wish I knew where to go, my thought scattered all over me; I stood in front of the huge fifty storied building. In the no man land where sunrise has no significance, and where sunset wanes in disguise. In a land where relationships are valued like currency notes. I am amidst the gadgety modern hip-hop crowd. Away from my motherland I came here years ago (My old age seems to flinch away from recalling the number of years), for I thought I will make some money.

Every man's dream, to live a luxurious life. Addicted gradually to this style of living, I let time overtake. I am seventy today, I am a father, a grandfather and soon may a great grandfather too. But I am still alone and surprisingly alive.

My better half Lolita left me 30 years ago. With Anirudh and Avantika in my lap. Those beautiful twins who were my dream. But some where I lost them to this techland, anti terrorism land. Anirudh left home at age of 20 to marry Ceeta..(not the Sita of Ramayana, she is the modern day US born Indian who found solace in changing the spelling of her name "citatious" sounding may be!!) and never returned home.

Well marriage I am not sure but, he did have a kid whose name my memory fails to recall (for it is too modernized....! For a Indian born mind) then may be Ani...I mean Anirudh ended in a couple of relationships which I refute to comment on for I myself am not sure if he is still in one. But yes he does drop by on Thanks giving day, "Father's day", sometimes on Christmas to check if need anything. (seems like my son thinks its matter of social pride to do so, but at least I get to see him thrice a year.)

Avantika the apple of my eye, she did stay with me till the last year, but recently moved out with her French boyfriend. "Now it's quite common dad " she gave a yell from her room while she was packing her stuff. I wonder what was common was it to move out or to change boyfriends.

I rebuff discussing Avantika for she still is the reason for my being here. When Avi was born I saw my mother in her and after Lolita it was Avi who gave me all the support to live life. Her smile alleviated all my worries and blew a gentle zephyr that soothed by wounds.

I still recollect the first time Avi and Ani were in my arms, Losing Lolita I had two tiny and beautiful children, my blood whom I wanted to give all the comforts in the world. But somewhere I had forgotten to teach them to think Indian, to plant their roots on the soil of Indian thoughts and integrity. My Americanized children do not realize that their father now needs them. It's his old age that wants them near him. His heart cries out and longs for their company.

In to a myriad thoughts my memory takes me along. Its almost 7 in the evening and I returned home from a walk after finishing the daily ritual of recalling my children in to my thoughts. I just had my evening tea (like all in India do!!!) But what I only miss is the sound of Lolita's bangles that add extra sugar to the tea. However now that I am diabetic I do not take sugar, though sugar free pills are the order of the day for both diabetic and non-diabetic.

There is a strange heaviness in my heart that has been a part of me ever since I came to this land. But today I decide to spend my evening with sunset. I walked down to the balcony, slid down on to the chair and began to relax. Seeing sunset after 30 long years made my heart yearn for Lolita, Avi, Ani. But I know none will come. It's my turn, I have to go, I will go.

I can see Lolita smiling at me. The sunset in myriad hues that seems to heal all my pain and suddenly all my pain disappeared..............I know I am happy finally...........